170 – A god Being Human – What Is it Like?

Drawing By Carolina Pagatpatan

What Is It Like?

As someone who is generally recognised as an incarnated god (for want of a better word), being human is not a thing I’m all that good at. (Something that is frequently pointed out to me by some!) I thought, though, I would write some entries on what it is like for me, and also what I’ve learned.

Natural For Some

It’s an interesting titbit that while all human bodies are classed as human beings, not all are human. To me, it’s a generic term that does not aptly describe who and what they really are. My estimations put around one third of the population as Otherkin.

Being human is natural for many. For me, though, it isn’t.

It has sometimes been a lonely, frustrating, and depressing experience.

Fish Out of Water

You know those movie tropes of a fish out of water? Where someone is placed into a situation where they are totally unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and they act in ways that show a complete lack of social conventions that leads to cringing or hilarious situations?

Well, that pretty much describes me in my early human years in this life. (And sometimes even now.)

I just couldn’t relate to anything human.

I was wide-eyed and innocent and had no filters. If I felt something, I would just say it. That never ended well. I would often be called out for being tactless or arrogant. But because I said it the way I saw it, it was hard to understand why it was a problem. (Something that persisted till around 2004.)

Never Comfortable

Eventually, by the time I hit my teens, I became guarded and paranoid. This was due to a mixture of home life and intense bullying at school.

I tried to fit in. I worked hard to get interested and involved in what others were doing, but I was never comfortable. Regardless, I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I was lousy at sports and had no interest at all in any of them.

I didn’t care about cars or getting laid. Didn’t want to touch drugs, get drunk, or go to parties. My definition of Hell was spending a night at a party. From the moment I got there, I would be calculating, in my mind, how long I needed to stay, and how quickly I could leave without appearing rude.

I worked so hard to try and fit in but couldn’t. I knew I was missing something but could never work out exactly what.

Invisible Barrier

Between the ages of 13 and 16, I felt this invisible barrier between me and everyone else.

I tried so hard to get past this barrier. Though I could not see it, I could feel it, and it felt as real and as solid as a glass wall.

Eventually, I just gave up trying. It wasn’t long after that, that things did start to improve, but it took me literally decades to get my head around human convention.

People looked upon me as weird. I would often get reports, from friends that had gotten to know me, that most would say: How can you hang around with Gary? He’s weird.

I guess I was, to a point. I looked alien, or at least strange. Whenever I saw a photo of myself, or myself on home movies, I thought: “That don’t look quite right.”

I was obsessed with healing, spirituality and how it all worked. A normal conversation for me was considered way too deep and serious for most others.

Psychic Attacks

As I spent ten odd years being under massive psychic attack (as recounted in I am The Phoenix), it made it very hard for me to relate to many things, as no one else that I knew of was suffering the same issues.

At the same time, it never occurred to me to try and explain what was happening.

In retrospect, it’s probably just as well, because chances are, I would have been put on some type of medication. As the issue was not psychological or physical, it would not have helped.

I did share what was going on with a very few people. I got mixed reactions. Some assumed it was all in my mind. Some freaked out and feared they would be attacked, too, and one told me that it was Satan, who was after my Soul.

That one was a Jehovah Witness and his belief was based on his faith. Ironically, while he was wrong about the source of the attacks, he was dead on about the Satan part. (Something that still boggles my mind till this day.)

In any case, what I experienced was something I found few could relate to, let alone understand.

What Did I Learn?

You might be wondering, was incarnating as human useful to me?

Yes. Yes, it was. It helped me to understand many things I had no idea of before. Things I could not relate to on any level.

Let’s discuss some of those things.

For instance, it revealed to me just how easy it is to become arrogant and ignorant of what is really going on in this world, and the Astral levels.

I went through many phases in my behavior.

Went through a number of different belief systems. Oddly enough, where I started is where I ended. Kind of. It revealed to me that there is always a logic, though flawed, in what we believe. The trick is being open to being wrong and taking those things that work and dismissing the rest.

Next: What I learned – Part 2.