More Observations
As someone who is generally recognised as an incarnated god (for want of a better word), being human is not something I’m all that good at. I thought, though, I would write some entries on what it is like for me, and also what I’ve learned. Today I will give more observations on my limited, though hopefully relevant, experiences.
Being Self- Conscious
I used to always worry about what others thought about me. I was extremely self-conscious.
It took me a very long time to realise this, but I finally understood that most people were too busy worrying about what others thought of themselves. Others barely rated a blip on their radar.
Sure, there are always some who will take great delight in hating and putting you down just because you exist. That’s generally due to needing negative attention, which is borne of ego, self-loathing, or psychological trauma. Anything to take attention away from themselves. (Though, some will have past life issues with you, or might just be demonics doing what demonics do.)
I noticed that my personal physical flaws were mostly in my mind. I paid no heed when others had the same problems.
Looks
For instance, my sleep apnea requires me to wear a CPAP mask. That has made my teeth crooked. Every time I smile, I cringe. But I don’t notice it on other people with the same issues. It’s just part of who they are.
Even though I do not like a huge gap in my teeth, I console myself with the thought that, at least, they are all my own teeth. They are still strong and function as they should.
That did not mean there weren’t those who did not make fun of my appearance. But the older I got, the less it occurred, until it vanished completely.
We worry way too much about our looks. Yes, it’s great if we look good, but that will only take you so far. Even the prettiest girl or most handsome man can look ugly if their Soul is corrupt.
Relationships
I used to drive myself almost to a near nervous breakdown about being, or rather, not being in a relationship.
In retrospect, it seems quite petty and ridiculous, but at the time, it felt like it was the most important thing I could do in life.
Eventually, though, it dawned on me that my perception of what relationships were like was a romanticised one.
My observation is that they are rarely what the media and society portray them to be. It took me a long time to see through this illusion.
As a Healer, I’ve dealt with more miserable, toxic, and broken relationships than I care to remember.
The number of healthy, empowering relationships I’ve come across can be counted on one hand.
Grateful
I don’t quite understand why this is so.
People seem to go out of their way to make each other miserable. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s almost like there is some deliberate perversion on how things should be.
There just seems to be so much ego and domination involved.
I’ve personally, long ago, given up on having a relationship. The ones I have had have taught me much, and I am grateful for them, but there doesn’t seem to be any point to engaging in new ones.
They take a lot of energy and there is too much jealousy and possessiveness, which would interfere with the work I’m here to do. At least in my personal observation.
I’m lonelier in a relationship than out of one. In fact, I don’t feel lonely on my own.
Other Observations
I could, no doubt, go on and on about the little gems I’ve picked up. Most would be obvious, and some, maybe, not so much.
I’ll share a few last ones before moving on.
I learned that there were very few people who were happy or content with who they are.
Too many seem to seek their happiness from outside themselves. It simply does not work like that. It’s an inner journey and not always an easy one.
I also understood that there is no quick path to growth and enlightenment. Words meant nothing if you did not take the time to seek the deeper meaning, practice them, and learn from your experiences.
That’s one of the things very few seem to get. I can reveal everything that ever was, and it will mean nothing unless it’s applied and the work for it is done.
It’s taken me decades to get to this point, and will take decades to grow even further, assuming I last that long.
Blocked
In other words, as a human, I got to experience what it was like to be blocked from your own knowledge and source.
Because of that, I got to understand what depression really was, and many of the causes behind it. I understood why people resorted to things like alcohol and drugs, so they could escape their pain.
For me, though, that was never a solution. I knew that the problems would still be there when I sobered up, so I dedicated all my time to finding answers.
I studied everything I could get my hands on. Some of it useful, some of it misleading and some of it incomplete.
I was driven to find answers. Answers that I did not believe were out there. But I kept on looking, regardless.
Eventually, I started to find some of them. It just took me decades to get to a point where I had a decent handle on how it all worked through constant observation.
In Conclusion
This human experience has taught me a lot. It’s probably one of the most dangerous things I have ever done, and I’ve done a lot of insane, risky things in my time.
Despite it all, I still don’t human well. I’m not as grounded as I should be.
I don’t have a lot of desire to be either. As long as I’m in a peaceful place, and able to do my work to help others, then I’m content to be where I am right now.
That is always changing, of course, but at least I’m at a point where I can do what I need to do.
Still, having said that, it must be noted that, even to this day, I still am clueless on some things.
As stated, this was a dangerous thing to do for me, but I had good reasons for it.
Next entry: The reasons.