As someone who is generally recognised as an incarnated god (for want of a better word), being human is not something I’m all that good at. I thought, though, I would write some entries on what it is like for me, and also what I’ve learned. This entry, I focus on some of my Life Lessons.
Filters
When I was younger, I had no filters. If I saw something, I would just say it. I also had a need to be acknowledged and recognized. Though, that might have been mostly because many people demeaned me and assumed I was mentally disabled or had a low intelligence. Hence, I had an overwhelming need to prove myself. Failure was not an option.
Filters didn’t really start to come until I was around 13 years old. Even then, it took me a long time to get my head around them. If I saw something, I would say it. I also saw no reason to not state the obvious.
I just assumed that if I could see things, others could, too.
Things were so blatantly obvious to me that I just assumed that others ignored them because they didn’t consider them important. It turned out that they not only did not see them, but argued I was wrong. (Though, I found that I rarely was.)
The life lesson here was that not everyone sees things the same as others.
Arrogance
Till around 30 years old, I was embarrassingly arrogant. I thought I knew all the answers, but as mentioned , I knew nothing. Or more accurately, remembered nothing. Or rather, what I thought I knew, was only part of the story. Though I did not come across as a “know it all,” I would still feel like I knew more than many.
I discovered how easy it was to become whipped up in the outrage of injustice and one-sided news. How tempting it is to buy into the dramas going on and act self-righteous.
As someone who was constantly bullied and demeaned by both peers and adults, I ended up with a mindset that you should always take revenge. This lasted till around age twenty. Then, overnight, I did a flip flop on it as I realized that coming from a place of love was the only way to really move forward.
It did teach me how and why others would feel that way. Even though I cringe at that mindset, I can understand it.
The life lesson here was that it’s easy to get trapped in a mindset that can hinder you.
Depression
Depression and a sense of not being worthy hit me when I was around fourteen, though it did not become really bad till I hit the age of 17. I didn’t understand what was going on, or why I felt the way I felt. No one around me seemed to have a clue either. So, I kept it mostly to myself.
It was also hard to see how my own behavior contributed to my own misery and depression. I just didn’t get how things worked, and no matter how much I tried, it always felt like I was missing something critical.
It also became apparent to me that depression was somewhat addictive. While I never stopped looking for answers on how to heal it, I found that there was a certain allure to feeling the way I felt. It wasn’t healthy by any means, but it gave me insight into how others would feel. It helped me understand why people will sometimes reject help and solutions to their problems.
The life lesson here was that depression is a fact of life. Not just for me, but many others. It’s just not acknowledged to the extent it should be.
Music
The thing that got me through it all was music.
There were songs that inspired me and gave me hope. I clung onto them like a man clings to a plank of wood in a raging river.
I learned the power of music. How it can both influence, heal, and incite you. It allowed me to see how it could be used to manifest or control an outcome both negative and positive.
Many songs spoke to me. They felt like messages. (Later, I found many were.)
I was able to use music to raise my energies, manifest outcomes, and sooth my pain. It helped with my frustration, anger. I don’t know how I would have lasted as long without it.
I even got my first job after being inspired by the song, “With a Little Luck” by Paul McCartney and Wings.
The life lesson here was that music can be used to achieve an end. It can be used to build or destroy. Its power should never be underestimated.
Knowledge
I was never satisfied about where I was on a spiritual level. I always sought ways to better myself.
When I was 13, I dabbled with self-hypnosis, though that didn’t produce the desired results. I also would stand in front of a mirror saying, “Every day, I am getting better and better.”
That worked, though the improvements were so small that you couldn’t see them till you looked back later and saw it as a whole.
At sixteen, I came across a book called The Power of your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. It gave me a way of manifesting outcomes. Something I embraced.
The knowledge contained in the book was simple and effective. I used it to keep bettering myself.
I eventually moved onto other area such as Buddhism and Taoism. Then in later years, more spiritual books.
Because I could not fit in or relate to most people, and I was convinced I was not welcome or accepted by others in general, I kept on setting the command to improve myself.
This worked, though it was very painful and traumatic because it revealed to me many flaws in my own personality that I had to overcome.
The life lesson here was that knowledge and spiritual power does not make you any more liked or attractive to people. In fact, it can work against you as many will not be able to relate to you.
Ego
One of the more disappointing things I discovered was the level or ego and jealousy that existed in the so-called spiritual communities.
I discovered that when I was thirty, and finally started to come across people who I thought were like me.
Some were, in a way, but most others were too wrapped up in how wonderful they were. They preached love and spirituality yet failed to show it when they did not agree with something.
Many just loved to tell me how wrong I was, or parrot something that someone else had told them. An incredible amount of people would work to invalidate your feelings on what you had discovered by yourself.
They also had their own cliques and took pride in many clubs being invitation only.
Though I did not fully understand it at the time, I could see people for who they were. I just did not have the skills to make use of that information until some years later.
The life lesson here was that just because someone has psychic power and knowledge, it does not make them spiritual. In fact, one can be spiritual without either of those things.
Next: More life stuff.